I Need A Hero ch.2

I see nothing in your eyes, and the more I see the less I like.
Is it over yet, in my head?
I know nothing of your kind, and I won't reveal your evil mind.
Is it over yet? I can't win.
_________________________________

Darkness. Pain. I knew nothing else.

The hot tears running down my cheeks stung at the open cuts.

I looked up into ocher eyes and cringed at what I saw. A smile bordering on crazy played on his lips, lips that crushed themselves against mine.

"You know I love that innocent look you give me, Jak…"

No…no don't touch me…not there…

I wanted to scream. I wanted to rip into his skin. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. I wanted all these things but I never made a sound, never moved.

I used to hope that one day he would grow bored. But he always found something to love about me. Something that would catch his interest.

He had eyes like fire, that burned into you. So you couldn't look away.

I just wanted to look away…

I couldn't breath. Everything hurt. What was going on? Why wasn't I home?

I need you, Daxter…I need you to get me out of here. I need your smile to make everything okay.

The way he smiles makes me want to run away. But, Dax, yours makes everything okay. Oh God…I need you!

I sobbed harder and Erol smacked me across the face. I was dizzy. I needed to lay down.

He shoved me roughly against the bed, body bent over the edge.

I felt the cold air hit the lower half of my body with a smack as my pants were tugged down.

No no no no no!

I struggled to get breath in.

The worst pain imaginable is when someone is inside you. Someone you want out.

I never said yes! I don't want this!

I couldn't hold back a scream.

Fear.

Pain.

Darkness.

I shot up in bed, panting. I stared at my hands I struggled to regain control. But the more I tried the harder it got and I felt myself choke back a sob.
A hand was on my back then and I jumped slightly.

"Relax, big guy… Just me." Daxter crouched next to my bed.

I couldn't answer. I didn't trust my voice.

The tears started to slow and I let out a shaky breath.

He knew better than to ask. Ever since he broke me out of prison it was always like this. But he never seemed to get tired of it. He was always ready to help me.

"You're not there anymore…" he said, sitting down next to me.

I nodded slowly, my breathing almost back to normal.

He wiped at my face with his sleeve and smiled a little.

I stared at him for a few moments and hugged him.

"I don't know where I'd be without you, Dax…" I whispered.

But I did. I would be dead.

He hugged me back.

"Just…don't think like that okay? I know where your mind's going and I don't like it." His voice shook slightly and his arms tightened around me.

I pulled back to look at him. His eyes were so innocent and even in the dark, they sparkled with light. I hated poisoning that look with the darkness that seeped out of me every second. As much as I knew being near him destroyed him, I couldn't last without him. He was the one thing I had left that kept me from going insane. He was the tether that kept me from floating away into a sea of darkness.

He interrupted my thoughts. "You need some more sleep, Jak."

"It's no use, Dax, you know that."

"C'mon," he pushed me down and laid next to me. "I'll stay with you down here. I was getting' lonely up there anyways." He snuggled closer to me, just like he did when he was an ottsel.

It was silent for a bit and I thought he was asleep but he spoke then.

"I don't know what goes on in your head, Jak…but if you ever wanna tell your buddy Daxter what happened, then I'm here."

I don't know if I was still emotional or if that just really hit a sensitive spot, but I choked up a bit. I swallowed hard before answering and even then my voice came out a bit strangled.

"Thanks…"

Sleeping didn't come too easily after that. I laid and listened to Daxter's steady breathing and the occasional wheeze that made me smile. I drifted off a few times, listening to the sound of his breath like waves on a beach.

Torn's footsteps down the hall and past the door made me aware of the time.

I rose quietly out of the bed and checked to make sure my clothes were dry. I then took a towel and went off to the showers. And when I got back, towel wrapped securely around my waist, I saw Daxter sitting up in bed, rubbing at his eyes and yawning.

"Hey, big guy," he garbled.

"Morning," I nodded, drying off and putting on my clothes.

When I turned around I saw Daxter stumbling out of the room only to have him come back ten minutes later, dripping wet, with a towel wrapped around his skinny body.

"Brr!" He shivered. "You used up all the hot water! You suck!" He shook his hair out on me and I laughed, mussing it with my fingers.

"Maybe if we put some muscles on your bones then you would retain more body heat."

"Hey! Just 'cuz your tan and muscular and all god-like doesn't mean the ladies don't love me too!"

"Well sorry to break it to ya, Dax, but today we've gotta fit in some training if you're gonna be running around in this new and improved body. First things first, I'm not always gonna be around to protect you, and riding on my shoulder isn't a possibility anymore."

"What are you getting at, Jakkie-boy?" He stopped toweling off his hair to give me one of his world famous brow raises.

"Gun course."

"Boo-yah!" A huge grin crossed his face.

I smiled. "Glad you're excited. 'Cuz this is gonna take some work."

He yanked on the rest of his clothes and stood by the door tapping his foot as if he'd been waiting forever.

"C'mon, Jakkie-boy, we don't got all day!"

I looked to him and again I was taken aback. Seeing him so…back to normal was well…not normal. Being an ottsel had become his normal.

I guess I had been staring a bit too long because he grabbed my arm and tugged, leaving me barely enough time to grab my bag.

"No time to gawk at the gorgeousness that is me, big guy, I wanna get to shootin'!"

As he dragged me through the front office Torn looked up from the many papers scattered across his desk.

"Watch it, rat, quit man-handling my best fighter."

I smirked and Daxter tugged harder to spite him.

"Jak here is teaching me how to shoot so yous best be on good behavior so I don't bust a cap in yo' ass."

Torn raised an eyebrow at me.

"Well," I shrugged. "He's gotta learn to protect himself."

He grunted. "Well keep the shooting in the range, not around here." And that was his form of a dismissal.

Knowing Daxter would only get more anxious the longer it took to get there, I hopped in the zoomer outside the Underground and watched as Dax took the seat next to me. By the time we got there he was practically bouncing, and he leapt out and darted for the door.

"Alright, so we're gonna start off simple," I began as I took my guns out of my pack. "One, I don't use pistols. But since it's the easiest to teach with we're gonna start with that. Then we'll move on to the morph gun. The red mod is probably the best bet for you, it's not only the lightest but I'm not planning on having you shoot long distance, this is mainly for self defense in the event that I can't protect you." I loaded the pistol and handed it to him.

"Let's rock n' roll, baby." He grinned hugely.

I smirked and gestured for him to lead the way.

"First things first, how to hold the gun." I looked at how he kept it awkwardly positioned in his left hand. I got behind him and placed my hand over his, bringing the gun up. "Now you don't want it right even with your face because when you fire it, you gotta be prepared for the blow back. And you don't want the gun knocking you right in the face 'cuz you're trying to kill someone else not yourself." I brought my face next to his, my cheek gently brushing his, to get a better look at what he was seeing. "Alright, see the x on that wall over there."

He nodded.

"I want you to aim for that. Don't lock your arms, but also don't let 'em be too lose." I watched him. "Okay good. Now I want you to get what it feels like to fire this thing but I also don't want you falling on your ass. So fire and I'll make sure it doesn't smack you in the face."

He pulled the trigger and fell back into me. I steadied him and looked down. "See what I mean?"

"Sheesh!"

I laughed. "Think you can try it on your own now?"

"Uhh…okay…"

I stepped away and saw the nervousness in his face. I watched as he bit his lip, squinted his eyes shut and fired. I also watched as he fell right on his ass.

"Good…but next time you might wanna look at your target." I stuck my hand out to help him up and he stuck his tongue out at me. I smiled. He took my hand and I pulled him to his feet.

The day progressed in the same fashion, although there was less of an "ass to floor ratio", as Daxter liked to call it, as the day went on.

"You did pretty good today, Dax." I clapped a hand on his back.

He grinned. "And I don't think you've ever done that much talking in your life! Sheesh!"

I laughed. "I'll take you to see Tess, okay?"

"Guns and women. Ahhh…I love being a man." A dreamy smile spread across his face and I smirked, slinging my bag into the zoomer and helping Daxter up.

Once at the bar, Daxter amused himself with telling stories to the few who were there. Tess leaned over, her elbow on the countertop and chin in hand. Sig sat back, drink in hand, and slight smile on his lips. Jinx puffed away at his cigar, dropping the ashes into his empty glass. He seemed to be getting a real kick out of the tales Dax was spinning.

I sat in a booth towards the back of the bar, observing the scene as an outsider. It seemed completely normal. Like we weren't in the middle of a war. Like we weren't fighting against a tyrannical ruler bent on molding this city to satisfy himself. It seemed like things were almost…okay.

But of course being me, they never stayed that way.

I looked up as I heard the door slide open, the others too entertained by either the words coming out of Daxter's mouth or the way he moved around while saying them.

That walk…it was the first thing I recognized. It was a walk of purpose. A walk that said 'I am somebody, and I know it'.

Second, the eyes. Smoldering embers that had the capability to turn from burning to cold in an instant. A bored look always seemed to occupy them. And when the look held some form of emotion it made you want to run away screaming.

Fiery hair to match his sanity, or lack there of. Everything about him screamed fire, yet there was nothing warm about him.

Eyes instantly locked onto mine, as if he were a heat seeking missile and we were in the middle of the arctic, and I was the only living thing for miles.

That lazy smile played on his lips and it made me feel sick.

He walked over casually, sliding in across from me in the booth; as if that seat were saved for him.

"Hello, Jak. I've missed you."

I could hear the laughter in his voice. A thousand words were rushing through my head; voices, screams, confusion, all pounding at my temples. I shut my eyes tightly, hoping maybe I could escape. But the only thing I could see were images of things I never wanted to remember.

Pain.

Torture.

Erol.

And when I opened my eyes, I saw the embodiment of all my pain, all my suffering. I saw him sitting in a booth with me as if it were any typical evening. And even though the pain in my eyes was impossible to hide, it was as if he didn't notice. But looking into those eyes, and knowing them so well, I could see the amusement there; deep within. This is what fed him. This is what kept him going.

Fear.

He drank it in like a plant to water. Soaked it up like it was his life force. He was a leech, forever stuck on my heart and there was nothing I could do.

"I don't even get a hello? And here I was thinking I meant more to you…" His grin made me shiver. He placed his elbows on the table and leaned forward, the leather of his uniform squeaking in protest.

I swallowed hard but didn't respond.

He continued, most likely knowing he wouldn't get an answer. "You know, Jak? Even after these few years, your eyes never did change. Perhaps they lost some of their childish happiness, but they always showed so much emotion." He placed a gloved hand on my cheek, his thumb resting below my eye.

I smacked it away.

"Always trying to fight back," he chuckled, sitting back, propping his legs up onto the table and clasping his fingers behind his head. "It's sad really," he pursued, glancing around nonchalantly. "Because once I get my hooks in someone," he turned his gaze on me, "they're never able to get them out."

My eyes narrowed. I didn't know it was possible to hate anyone more than I hated Praxis for what he'd done. But it seemed Erol was that possibility. Everything in me screamed to rip him limb from limb. And what was stopping me? Fear? Maybe…or maybe somewhere in my mind I needed him alive. Because killing him would be too simple. And killing him would hurt me too. He had been the only thing I'd ever known for two whole years. And getting rid of that was like…getting rid of a part of my life. Question was, why did it bother me having that part gone? What part of me was stopping me from getting rid of the pain?

But I knew the answer. The part of me that liked the pain. The other half of me that…enjoyed when I hurt. Laughed every time I fell.

"I see the wheels turning in your head, Jak… What ever could you be thinking of?" A knowing smile played on his lips.

My teeth ground together and my fingers tightened so much around the glass I thought it might break.

"Relax, Jak…" He brushed the back of his hand along my jaw and I wanted to puke. "You're so…tense. Perhaps I could…loosen you up?" he whispered, his mouth next to my ear.

I felt my breath hitch and I tried to calm down. I couldn't think about this. This was what he wanted. He wanted me to lose control. He wanted me to relive all those horrible days in prison. He wanted to break me.

And so far he was succeeding.

The dam inside me was cracking. I could feel the memories leak out. I couldn't think of this. I just…couldn't.

I clenched my teeth together, trying to keep it all in.

He brought his face in front of mine, so I could see nothing but those smoldering eyes. His lips nearly brushed against mine.

"Well this has been fun…We shall meet again soon, Jak. You can be sure of that…"

That horrible laughter rang out as he walked from the bar. And that was when they all looked over. They hadn't realized, hadn't seen anything.

"Jak…?" I heard Daxter's voice through the fog in my brain.

I couldn't move. I was paralyzed by the memories.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped, sliding further into the booth.

"Relax, big guy, it's just me." Daxter slid in next to me. "Who was that?"

When I didn't answer, Tess did. "Erol. The commander of the Krimson guards and the Baron's right hand man."

Sig chimed in. "He's one crazy son of a bitch."

"I hear he don't treat the prisoners all too well either." Jinx puffed away at his cigar.

I could feel Daxter's gaze turn back to me, and he knew. He knew that the reason I was having those nightmares was because of Erol. And it made him mad, more mad than I think I'd ever seen him. But he hid it well. He knew I wouldn't want to air out my secrets. Not to anyone but him. Maybe.

I saw sparks behind those blue eyes that normally remained rather carefree and their childish roundness was the slightest bit narrowed.

"Question is, what was he doing here?" Tess wondered aloud.

Daxter's gaze flickered to me for a moment then back.

"Well whatever Crazy Ginger wanted it couldn't have been anything good."

"You got that right, Chili Pepper." Sig nodded in agreement.

"Did he say anything to you, Jak?" Tess' eyes were on me.

"Nothing worth mentioning." I didn't look up from the table. "We better get going, Dax. Samos still needs us to go to the forest and get rid of those metal heads." I paused. "But if you wanted you could stay here."

"Nah I gotta test out my new shootin' skills." I had a feeling that wasn't the only reason. He didn't want me alone.

I stood up, shoving my hands in my pockets and I felt eyes on the back of my head. I couldn't even put up a front. So I walked out and soon heard Daxter's footsteps behind me.

"Hey, moody, wait up!" He caught up to me.

Except for the occasional comment from Daxter and the whir of the zoomer's engine, the ride to the forest was silent. Walking through the pressurized doors was like stepping into a totally different world. So calm and quiet. The smell of the grass and the plants and the trickling of water. And like hell I was going to let the metal heads ruin a place like this.

Somewhere in the middle of shooting everything had gone black and when my eyes were my own and the darkness cleared, I could see scattered globs of dark eco slinking over to me and being absorbed into my skin.

"Now that you got all the dark outta your system, mind explaining what the hell happened back in there with that crazy commander?"

"Nothing, Dax. Don't worry about it."

He shocked me by shoving me up against a tree, pinning my arms against it.

I blinked, my eyes slightly wider.

"I'm sick and tired of this, Jak! You're more bottled up than a Jack Daniels! Could you for once tell me what's going on in your head?! 'Cuz I swear one day you're gonna explode!"

His face had become red, not just from shouting but it always did when he was angry. His freckles looked even darker and his hair even redder. I watched him pant and as his breathing slowed I shook my head.

"He just came there…to be himself."

He waited for me to continue.

"He knows how to make my skin crawl. He knows the words to say, the way to say them, and where he should put his hands to make me wanna jump out of my own skin. He knows every fucking thing about me and I guarantee he'll never get over the thrill of seeing me broken."

I could tell he didn't know how to respond. So I shook him off and turned my back on him.

"Satisfied?" I guess I didn't know how badly I wanted some response until I turned back and saw those eyes on me.

Shock. Disgust. Anger.

But most importantly: pain.

He was imagining what I was talking about. Because that's what he did. He made my pain his in the hopes of helping me bare it better.

"What happened to you in prison…I'll never know how it felt. But all I know is there's so much more about it than you're telling me."

I stared at him, not able to think of a reply. As much as I wanted to tell him I just…didn't know how.

I turned my back again.

"He obviously did something to you in prison, Jak. You can't deny that. You're not just different from the dark eco."

I tensed and felt sparks fly across my skin.

"I watch you, Jak, and I worry that one day it's all gonna be too much."

I felt Dark getting closer to the surface. And although I was aching from the fight, he was ready to take more blood.

"Stop…" I heard myself beg and I wasn't sure who it was to.

I stumbled to the water and saw my reflection.

My skin was starting to go pale and the horns were growing. I could see the hands of darkness in my eyes, grasping at the blue.

"No…" I grunted and heard the difference in my voice.

Dark was taking over, shutting me behind the walls of my own mind, where I would scream and no one could hear me.

I watched as Dark turned his eyes to Daxter.

Most of the time I would let him take over and everything would go black, but it seemed sometimes Dark wanted me watching. And that's what scared me the most.

"Jak…?" The pitch in Daxter's voice jumped, as it always did when he was scared. "B-buddy…?? I know you're in there…" He took a step back but with no where else to go hit the tree with a thump.

Dark laughed. I saw Dax visibly cringe and felt myself do the same.

This is what Dark loved to do, scare the ones I cared about. And that's why he wanted me to watch.

I tried to take over, I couldn't let him do this. Not to Dax.

"Jak, snap out of it…please!" His eyes were growing wider as Dark closed in.

I saw him put a claw on his cheek, and slowly drag a talon down, leaving a line of blood in its wake.

He squeaked in pain and Dark placed his tongue against it, licking up the blood.

"I see why he likes you so much…" Dark's voice sounded even worse out loud than it did in my head. Worst of all, it still sounded like me.

"W-what do you mean…?" Daxter stuttered.

"So…innocent. So…delicious." A wicked smile spread across his face and Dax shrunk back.

"Jak…please…." Tears were clinging to his lashes and I struggled to get out.

"Run, Dax!" I shouted, wishing he could hear me, but the sound simply echoed around the black space.

Dark laughed. "Don't be silly, Jak…you know he can't hear you," he spoke inside my head.

"Do you know what I love, Daxter?" His name was hissed from purple lips.

"W-what…?"

"Tormenting Jak. Right now he's simply…trapped." Those purple lips now stretched across stark white fangs. "And all he's able to do is watch…while I destroy the last bit of sanity he has left."

Dark was laughing and I wanted to tear him apart. It didn't matter that he was me, because all I knew was how badly I wanted him gone for threatening Daxter.

"I won't let you hurt him…" I grunted, struggling to regain control. The world shifted and I saw Daxter through my own eyes as I took a step back.

"Jak…" he said my name, mixed with a sigh of relief.

I felt my body hit the ground and for a moment I blacked out, and when I opened my eyes again Daxter was leaning over me, his hand on my chest.

"Sheesh, buddy! You scared the crap outta me…" And without saying it I knew he didn't just mean by passing out.

I looked into dark blue eyes. "I'm sorry." Two simple words, apologizing for scaring him, but also for what I could turn into…and what I could do. My eyes moved to the slice on his cheek.

He followed my train of thought. "No worries, big guy." He gave me a lopsided grin.

I let my eyes close.

"Reminds me of the days we used to sleep down at the beach in Sandover," he said, trying to change the subject, while he laid down next to me. "Those were the days…" He sighed.

I looked over to him.

He had his hands behind his head, staring up at the multicolored clouds. His eyes soaked up the color and reflected it in the most amazing way. His milky skin nearly shimmered from the beams of light bouncing off the water. When he glanced my way for just a second, it was like my heart stopped beating, and restarted twice as fast. He absentmindedly chewed at his lip with his two front teeth and it was then that I wondered why everyone had always called him ugly. I didn't think he was at all. As a matter of fact…he was far more attractive to me than anyone I'd ever met.

"Dax…"

"Hmm…?" He turned his gaze lazily to meet mine.

I turned on my side to face him and he watched me, not saying a word. I gently placed a hand on his cheek and felt myself move closer to him. I didn't know what I was thinking, but something inside me just…told me this was what I wanted, what I needed even.

I couldn't tell if Daxter was in shock or if he was waiting for me to continue, but I didn't even think about it. All I could think about were those soft lips against mine…

I was mere inches from his faces when my communicator went off, breaking the trance Daxter seemed to be in. He pulled back and immediately looked away.

I silently groaned and listened to Torn's voice who had been speaking on the other end.

"You two better not have died out there. Well, the rat I don't care about, but you, well you're important."

I saw Daxter scowl.

"So high tail your asses outta there, big day tomorrow so rest up. I don't need you fallin' asleep on your feet and being no good to anyone tomorrow."

The communicator switched off.

"Ol' tattooed wonder sure has his panties in a bunch, sheesh!" He stood, brushing himself off. "So are we off?"

I looked at him. It was as if nothing had happened. Had I dreamt that? No…no I couldn't have…

"Yeah…" I rose to my feet.

"Check this thing out when we get back will ya? I dunno what kinda infections you could be spreading with that tongue of yours." He gestured to his cut and I blushed, finding a double meaning in those words; and it seemed he found them too because a flush crept across his cheeks as well.

We were mostly silent on the way back and it wasn't until we were in our room did he say anything.

"Wanna check this out now? I wanna get some shut eye."

I nodded and sat him down on the edge of my bunk.

I cleaned out the cut with minimal hissing from Daxter and covered it with gauze and some medical tape.

"We'll change it in the morning." I took off my shirt and pants, climbing into bed.

He yawned, changing into the sleepwear I'd given him. "Sounds good, buddy." He climbed up into his bed and it creaked as he found a comfortable position under the covers.

I laid there for some time, staring at nothing in particular, trying hard not to think and so far not succeeding. And when I could have sworn Daxter was asleep he spoke.

"Hey, Jak?"

"Yeah?"

"Mind if I uh…sleep down there with you? It's kinda…lonely up here all by myself."

I smiled in the dark. "Sure, Dax." I scooted over to make room for his small frame and watched as he came down the ladder.

He snuggled up against me and sighed against the warmth between us. "Ahhh…much better." I could hear the smile in his voice.

I put my arm around his waist and he borrowed even closer.

I smiled and as I listened to his breathing slow, I felt myself drifting to sleep.